[Well, at the very least, it doesn't seem like he's had a dramatic personality shift, so that's... good? He's just sitting there staring into the bonfire. He actually looks fine? But when he notices Yin Yu, his attention focuses, and when he opens his mouth, there's definitely a slight blurriness in his tone.]
Yin Yu. I don't suppose you're here to tell me more about your ghost city and the people you killed? [WHAT PEOPLE, OGATA?]
[ really, he was on his way away from this fiasco, completely sober himself, when ogata calls out to him, and he just.
. . . anyway, ]
Are you alright, Master Ogata? [ politely, as usual. he's a pretty observant person. also, he has to collect drunk patrons of ghost city like five times a week. ]
[ it's a little while after the others have stopped hovering that yin yu talks with ogata. not much time is left before he'll be escorted away, but he's not - he's just a coward, or maybe he can't have this conversation with so many people around. (or maybe those two things are synonymous.)
either way. he speaks quietly, in a moment of privacy. ]
[ yeah this curse is super weird. it's almost - he'd prefer it, if it hadn't been this way. like this is just some kind of cosmic joke on top of everything else. ]
Yes. I don't c- [Nope.] Regardless of what people are saying, I'm sure that if I kill someone like Flayn or Minako, no one's going to forgive me. [Interesting that he names those two in particular, who he has debatably some sort of bond with. Their waterfall camp girls.]
But if it's someone I don't stand a chance against, I'd prefer to go down swinging.
that doesn't surprise him, though. ] ...I think anyone in your situation would. [ and they shouldn't fault him for it.
(in his shoes, would he have fought back, condemned to a death that he didn't deserve? -- yin yu would've found a reason to deserve it, somewhere.) he's quick enough to notice the names stated. there's purpose there, weight, and it gives him a longer moment of pause as he considers what to say. ]
[Hm. Interesting question. It's not something he'd really thought about before, as much as he's preoccupied with the idea of his own death. All he's ever really been concerned about is the immediate impact. The emotion and intention of the person killing him. Proving his point.
After all, until a few weeks ago, he was under the impression that everything ended after you died. No reason to worry about the world after that, right? When he stops to think about it, he doesn't think anyone would bother to remember him out of anything but hate, resentment, or pity, at this point. He'd prefer the first two, but at least the latter would probably fade quicker. He's struck suddenly, not only with the idle thought that no one is going to truly miss him, but also with the realization that this makes him sad.
Huh.]
... I'd prefer it if no one remembered me at all. [Said as a hand runs across his hair. Perhaps he doesn't realize what a conflicted expression he has on his face.]
[ the memory flayn gets is chopped up into pieces.
the first is a young man, with bright, bright brown eyes and a mass of curly brown hair. he looks up at, ostensibly, yin yu, with his eyes shining, his hands clenched into fists. he's maybe twelve or thirteen--and then again, older, sixteen, seventeen, standing in front of yin yu and looking at him, blood on his lip, smiling -- the memory jerks as if they're being carried along, to a temple full of people dressed like yin yu, in similar colors, voicing their complaints.
"How old is he now, he can't always be like a child?! There are people who are dads now, at his age!"
"the moment he came here he took everything! What's so good about him!? Yin Yu-shixiong, you're the eldest disciple, if you got those privileges, we'd all let it go, you deserve it! But who the hell is he?! No education, no manners, so what if he's talented! None of us will accept him!"
yin yu looks out at the crowd, his back straight, holding a brush as the other disciples complain and complain. someone who was frustrated could easily give in to such a lure--the chance to complain, the chance to alienate this young disciple, but yin yu sets down his brush, and starts to scold his shidi.
"What you're saying isn't right. No matter what path we cultivate, talent truly is something incredible. Besides, not only is he talented, he's willing to work hard. If you really think the master is playing favorites, then let's work harder to keep up with him, overtake him. If everyone has the time to be mad, then why not use that energy to cultivate, and train more?"
the other disciples complaining is silenced, mostly, and they grumble to each other. only one, who flayn as yin yu will recognize as one of his closest friends, warns, loudly, "Yin Yu, you speak for him today, but be careful of him screwing you over in the future!"
--
the memory jerks again. this time, yin yu stands in a palace, his feet on white marble tiles. the gesture of his arms to a stream of guests shows that he's well dressed, in fine silks, bright gold hanging from his wrists, and everything about him is brighter, warmer. the aura of a martial god thrums through his veins, the feeling of a thousand believers ferverently praying to him for their success guides his spiritual energy, his movements. he bows his head in thanks to another god, who laughs as he brings him a present and says, "Congratulations on your ascension! I've come late, give me wine as punishment, haha!"
Yin Yu smiles, warm with pride, and shakes his head, gesturing for the god to enter the palace. A party goes on around them, congratulations and celebrations, but it's interrupted by someone yelling, sharply, "YOUR HIGHNESS YIN YU, YOU BETTER GIVE US A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR YOUR SHIDI!"
...abruptly, he looks behind him. the same curly haired boy from before, now nineteen or so, stands there, hands behind his back. yin yu sighs. "Yizhen, did you pick a fight again?"
"Yeah." he says, simply. yin yu feels the urge to rub his temples, looking out to the ruckus outside. it seems whatever middle official he picked a fight with is still trying to egg something on, causing a scene outside of yin yu's palace, trying to start a fight. the person's held outside, shouting and yelling, accusing yin yu of trying to cover it up. as he opens his mouth to try and deal with it, the young man suddenly pushes past him, with all of the anger of a charging bull, furious at the insult to the palace, and yin yu stares, dumbfounded for a moment.
"--Yizhen, stop!" and then rushes out to chase after him.
the memory shifts, again, this time, it's yin yu's scolding friend, pacing around yin yu's side chamber and yelling. "The domain in the west is only so big, Yin Yu! Quan Yizhen erected a palace, and now he's robbed your devotees! Even that wolf monster he killed should have been yours! Look at the state of you, your domain is shrinking smaller and smaller, how much do you have left?! How can you maintain your standing?!"
"How is it considered robbing? It's not like he held anyone at knifepoint to worship him. They're willing. ...what fight? Why care for such a thing? What must leave, will always leave in the end, and what should remain will naturally stay. I didn't ascend to fight over power with anyone, especially not Yizhen, nor fight over domains, so why can't you just let this go, Jian Yu?"
jian yu practically growls and rubs his hand through his hair. there's another odd skip, and yizhen is standing there, too, suddenly. it's his birthday, and since the awkwardness of another experience, yin yu had been avoiding him more than before, but the young man came anyway, asking for a birthday present. yizhen looks at him with eyes shining, and yin yu quickly apologizes and turns to his side chamber, telling him to wait a moment.
he hadn't prepared a birthday gift fo yizhen, as he had every year. asking jian yu, the other middle official 'tsks', grabs a rag cloth, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it. "Give him this, then."
"Jian Yu!"
the scene skips. jian yu returns with a box-- a side conversation of yizhen floats in, talking to yin yu, "i don't really know anything about worshipers. they just started showing up. i fought this other wolf monster, too..."
he wasn't even trying to get his new position as an upper heavenly official, the second martial god of the west, and -- it hurts, it hurts yin yu so badly, but he shoves it down, down, and hands him the birthday present with a small, slightly frazzled smile.
it becomes even more blurry, then. a few more statements float in. yizhen, laughing when someone mistook yin yu for quan yizhen, because he thought it was silly. yin yu, embarrassed at the banquet where he'd been confused, sinking into his seat. yin yu, not invited to the parade of martial gods -- something only given to the most powerful, while yizhen took a spot. these tiny little stones start stacking, and stacking, and stacking, and yin yu gets heavier, and heavier with each little statement, hurting more, and more, and more as his star starts to wane.
yin yu, standing in his chambers, holding a golden armband that was supposed to be the gift for yizhen. he looks to jian yu, confused, and jian yu just says, "i gave him something better."
flayn is treated to yin yu's alarm, the feeling of the hairs on the back of his neck rising up, the phrase, "the brocade immortal", and suddenly, he's running out of his palace, as fast as his legs can carry him--
when the memory clips into focus again, quan yizhen stands in front of yin yu, wearing golden armor. his head is tilted to the side--he looks genuinely lost and confused, like a puppy.
and yin yu is furious. his anger is so oppressive that it pours out of him, that his hands are trembling, clenched into fists, as he finally shouts, "Did I say I wanted to go?! What's the patrol of the martial gods have to do with me?! I didn't beg you, so who are you to mention me to the emperor?!"
in the memory, it's blatantly obvious that the parade is important. that quan yizhen had asked a favor of the emperor to "allow" yin yu to march was--beyond offensive. those who saw him there if he did go after such a thing would talk and talk about him, and his skin wasn't thick enough for such things. how could he possibly use someone's connections--the connections of his disciple, his shidi, someone who usurped him to take a place somewhere he never belonged? he didn't belong there. he wasn't supposed to -- he used to be able to --
quan yizhen is silent, for a moment, but the trouble is blatant on his face. "...shixiong, why are you so mad? Did I do something wrong?"
and yin yu, patient, kind yin yu, who has always defended yizhen, who has always helped quan yizhen, who has tried to be kind to him, who has tried to help and be calm
finally snaps.
"Enough, I've had enough! I'm going mad--I'm going fucking mad, because of you! Quan Yizhen--!" he points at the great martial hall, where the other gods were gathered, "Don't talk to me anymore! Take back your recommendation, stop adding to my troubles! Go back right this second!"
without another word, quan yizhen turns, and starts walking. yin yu blinks, trembling, and his eyes slowly slide down yizhen's back, to the golden armor he's wearing. the brocade immortal forces the wearer to follow the orders of the person who gave it to them - who was yin yu. yizhen wasn't remorseful, or understanding why he'd offended his shixiong. he was being compelled to do it.
shaken, his hands trembling, he shouts, "STOP!" and quan yizhen stops. he looks bewildered, as the martial gods step out to see what the commotion is about, yin yu panics, and yells, "Come back--leave!"
it's confusing, but quan yizhen just cocks his head, instantly turns, and starts running straight for yin yu. in his panic, all he can do is run, too, looking suddenly like a guilty criminal, trying to decide what to do as the martial gods--emperor included--begin to give chase, as if to apprehend them. yin yu panics further, completely in disarray, he has to get yizhen out of that armor, he has to make that stop, and shouts, "Leave! Leave right now--take off your clothes!"
yizhen's eyes are blank, when yin yu looks back, but his hands go to the brocade immortal. there's a moment of sheer relief in yin yu's eyes, but as the martial gods reach them and start to try and apprehend yizhen, it's short lived. yizhen's goal -- remove the item -- is being blocked, and his gaze flashes with violence. he takes in the ten martial gods closest to him as targets, lifts his fists--
blood splatters the ground, crimson red.
"MURDER IN THE UPPER COURT!" someone screams--
--
the memory fades, again. yin yu is being restrained, now, another martial god holding him under the arms. he's as white as a sheet, as yizhen has been fighting and fighting up to this point, it's only one desperately shouted, please stop fighting! that finally stops quan yizhen, and he's restrained, a sword in his shoulder, beaten up beyond almost recognition by the martial gods.
in the process, the palace of yin yu was nearly destroyed by the chaos. all that stands is the rubble, the circle of martial gods trying to restrain the chaos, and.. quan yizhen. he turns his head to look at yizhen, who drops to his knees, finally, and stares up at yin yu, utterly confused. "....what's going on?"
his oblivious face is the only thing yin yu can see. yizhen, oblivious, stupid, oblivious yizhen, sitting in the wreckage of yin yu's life, not realizing that he was the one who caused everything. it's funny. it's. it's
the irony of the situation hits him like a hammer, and shatters the glass of yin yu's last restraint. he laughs. it's just one, sharp, humorless bark of a laugh, and then another, and then another, his shoulders starting to quake.
"shixiong? what are you doing? " quan yizhen has crawled towards him, now, trying to check up on his shixiong, still so confused, still wearing the brocade, head tilted, stupid, stupid yizhen, stupid yizhen,
yin yu's order comes out in a moment of crisp clarity.
"GO DIE!"
the light of clarity in yizhen's eyes vanishes. he reaches for the closest sword on the ground, takes it in one hand, fists the other in those curls and pulls his head up to expose his throat. the blade comes up -
- the heavenly emperor appears. with a crack, he dislocates quan yizhen's sword arm--then his other, then both of his legs, the sword clatters to the ground,
[It's not right after the trial, but an hour or so later that Ogata comes looking for Yin Yu. He's surely not the person Yin Yu wants to see right now, but well. We can't always get what we want, sir. Ogata's just sorta trotting up, not as quietly stealthy as he normally is.]
Looks like you worried over nothing, hm? [Flayn didn't get voted for, in the end. Didn't even really get suspected.]
[ yin yu is absolutely fucking ignoring him. he's up on one of the shelves, nearly out of sight, and the minute ogata calls out to him -- because he hears him coming -- he just turns his head away, clearly visible with his mask. he's intending on just melting into the shadows.
[Hm. This is to be expected, really. He definitely doesn't feel bad about making Yin Yu snap!!! Definitely not!!! And nothing Flayn said at him in trial affected his either!!! He wasn't thinking about how kind they have both been with him at all. Nope.
Anyway he stares up at Yin Yu for a long moment. Before simply opting to sit down at the base of the shelf, his back against it, facing away from Yin Yu.]
I didn't realize the two of you had become so close. But I suppose I understand. She's a remarkable person. She reminds me of a girl I'd met back home. Even when I'd do things to make her angry, she kept trying. Up until the end, she still insisted she believed I could be better. [A sharp laugh. How well has he acted upon that in her absence, in the graveyard?]
I can see how that optimism would be appealing. Make you feel special...
[A long pause. He's unsure whether he really feels like saying this, but;] I'm glad she found someone who deserved it.
[ there's silence, for a while. it seems like yin yu might not even answer him, or maybe that he's left. it's possible - his presenceless personality means he can just vanish, at the best and the worst of times. its how he got out of that in the first place.
but, eventually, his quiet voice comes out from where he's holed up. it doesn't shake, but it's not quite there, either. ] ...Lady Flayn is the kindest person I've ever met.
[ so of course she would have been kind to ogata. of course she would have kept trying, even when he was vicious and cruel and stubborn. yin yu has always wanted to be like that: a kind, perfect person. it's something he admires so deeply about flayn. he's been trying to be fair and kind to ogata since he got here, too, trying to emulate some of that goodness, and ultimately, he'd been too weak and failed at that, too. if he could be half of the person that flayn was, maybe he'd start deserving the way she feels about him.
and now she must be miserable, and alone with her guilt. even lili, who has been her support, must be a wreck, too.
he takes a deep breath, leaning backwards against the shelving. what can he do, besides send a hundred character letters and maybe see her as a ghost? how terrible this must have been, for flayn to have to do, almost assured it was going to happen, that she was going to be caught - but no one was able to catch on? except him, trapped over here, because he knows flayn quite possibly better than he knows himself? ]
She sees the best in everyone. She always has. [ everyone. not just ogata. she sees the best in him, too. ] ... You have no idea how miserable she must be right now. She doesn't - she shouldn't have had to go through with that.
[He really doesn't, he thinks. Flayn, miserable? Well. Probably. But he can't think like she thinks. To care that much about others. Honestly, the idea of someone truly understanding another person is laughable to him. Who could ever understand another person's thoughts when most of society is people just pretending to have morals and feel certain ways because they're expected to?
He's never felt like someone understood him. Or well, he'd like to say that. If it hadn't been for Anaido. Just thinking about it makes him scowl. But that had been just what he deserved, hadn't it been? He never deserved to have someone look at him like that. To really see him. For a minute he sits here, being glad that whatever Yin Yu and Flayn have was ruined by his death.
But ah, it isn't really ruined, is it? Just like his father not caring didn't stop his mother, death isn't stopping these two, either. Ah, he hates that. He hates that they have enough of Something to be this miserable. He hates how much he cares. He hates the part of him that's glad they're suffering and he hates the part of him that twinges at Yin Yu's words.
He wants to be glad they're miserable because he's always miserable. But it doesn't feel that simple this time.]
... So you think she killed Dimitri, then. [Lets just talk about that instead.]
[ he says, quietly. it's easier to talk about for him, too. his heart hurts it's hard to even breathe around it. ] If you knew her -- if you really knew the kind of person that she was, it would be obvious.
Flayn and I had been putting the flowers on the memorials together. Even when I sent her something today, it had a message to it. [ "absence and death, protection, majesty. warning of others. a deadly foe may be near. chivalry." the garden had been a place that was dear to them, and the skill in reading flowers he'd gained was by her careful tutelage. ] It's why I was able to identify them so easily at the beginning of the trial.
She loves things like that. Flowers, and drinking tea with people that are important to you. Even the chamomile's - to be strong in adversity. I think they must have planned it together, so they would both end up here.
She's so much stronger than anyone gives her credit for, and it must have been so hard. [ sacrifice, beau had said about huaisang's actions. what the hell was he sacrificing? what the hell did he know?
yin yu stops himself with a huff. this time, it's a little wet, and from where he's settled, he reaches to push his mask off of his face, covering it with his hand. ] ...I don't know why I'm telling you this.
[ honestly yin yu's not even capable of processing anything that just happened. instead, he's just shoved every emotion he has down and away in favor of their ultimate goal -- getting the hell out of here.
unfortunately, it's hard to just vanish once things settle. these fun new creature features means he's just stuck being noticeable, so.
he's not about to approach ogata. when he spots him, he just sort of turns his head. it seems very much like he's going to walk away.
[Everyone is in a terrible mood so actually Ogata is feeling better than he has in weeks. Having some answers helps, as does no longer having a gaping stomach wound!!!
The cat features are kind of nice too but he would not admit to this. When Yin Yu blatantly avoids him his tail twitches and he calls out to the man.]
Slinking around like a guilty man doesn't suit you, Yin Yu. [Hi bonch.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w1: post never have i ever.
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Yin Yu. I don't suppose you're here to tell me more about your ghost city and the people you killed?
[WHAT PEOPLE, OGATA?]
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. . . anyway, ]
Are you alright, Master Ogata? [ politely, as usual. he's a pretty observant person. also, he has to collect drunk patrons of ghost city like five times a week. ]
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... I'm fine.
[Frowning.]
Everyone here besides you is so loud.
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he closes his eyes briefly, underneath his mask. ] I am not a very loud person. [ quiet and boring: his brand! ] Thank you. I think.
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Mm. But I can't help but become more and more certain you're hiding something.
[Neat.]
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posttrial w1 THIS IS SAD, ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO
either way. he speaks quietly, in a moment of privacy. ]
Will you fight back tomorrow?
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But he looks at Yin Yu, impassive, still being affected by that curse that made him seem almost like another person.]
I haven't decided.
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Depending on the executioner?
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[Interesting that he names those two in particular, who he has debatably some sort of bond with. Their waterfall camp girls.]
But if it's someone I don't stand a chance against, I'd prefer to go down swinging.
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that doesn't surprise him, though. ] ...I think anyone in your situation would. [ and they shouldn't fault him for it.
(in his shoes, would he have fought back, condemned to a death that he didn't deserve? -- yin yu would've found a reason to deserve it, somewhere.) he's quick enough to notice the names stated. there's purpose there, weight, and it gives him a longer moment of pause as he considers what to say. ]
....how do you want to be remembered, Ogata?
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After all, until a few weeks ago, he was under the impression that everything ended after you died. No reason to worry about the world after that, right? When he stops to think about it, he doesn't think anyone would bother to remember him out of anything but hate, resentment, or pity, at this point. He'd prefer the first two, but at least the latter would probably fade quicker. He's struck suddenly, not only with the idle thought that no one is going to truly miss him, but also with the realization that this makes him sad.
Huh.]
... I'd prefer it if no one remembered me at all.
[Said as a hand runs across his hair. Perhaps he doesn't realize what a conflicted expression he has on his face.]
spaghetti time wwww
the first is a young man, with bright, bright brown eyes and a mass of curly brown hair. he looks up at, ostensibly, yin yu, with his eyes shining, his hands clenched into fists. he's maybe twelve or thirteen--and then again, older, sixteen, seventeen, standing in front of yin yu and looking at him, blood on his lip, smiling -- the memory jerks as if they're being carried along, to a temple full of people dressed like yin yu, in similar colors, voicing their complaints.
"How old is he now, he can't always be like a child?! There are people who are dads now, at his age!"
"the moment he came here he took everything! What's so good about him!? Yin Yu-shixiong, you're the eldest disciple, if you got those privileges, we'd all let it go, you deserve it! But who the hell is he?! No education, no manners, so what if he's talented! None of us will accept him!"
yin yu looks out at the crowd, his back straight, holding a brush as the other disciples complain and complain. someone who was frustrated could easily give in to such a lure--the chance to complain, the chance to alienate this young disciple, but yin yu sets down his brush, and starts to scold his shidi.
"What you're saying isn't right. No matter what path we cultivate, talent truly is something incredible. Besides, not only is he talented, he's willing to work hard. If you really think the master is playing favorites, then let's work harder to keep up with him, overtake him. If everyone has the time to be mad, then why not use that energy to cultivate, and train more?"
the other disciples complaining is silenced, mostly, and they grumble to each other. only one, who flayn as yin yu will recognize as one of his closest friends, warns, loudly, "Yin Yu, you speak for him today, but be careful of him screwing you over in the future!"
--
the memory jerks again. this time, yin yu stands in a palace, his feet on white marble tiles. the gesture of his arms to a stream of guests shows that he's well dressed, in fine silks, bright gold hanging from his wrists, and everything about him is brighter, warmer. the aura of a martial god thrums through his veins, the feeling of a thousand believers ferverently praying to him for their success guides his spiritual energy, his movements. he bows his head in thanks to another god, who laughs as he brings him a present and says, "Congratulations on your ascension! I've come late, give me wine as punishment, haha!"
Yin Yu smiles, warm with pride, and shakes his head, gesturing for the god to enter the palace. A party goes on around them, congratulations and celebrations, but it's interrupted by someone yelling, sharply, "YOUR HIGHNESS YIN YU, YOU BETTER GIVE US A GOOD EXPLANATION FOR YOUR SHIDI!"
...abruptly, he looks behind him. the same curly haired boy from before, now nineteen or so, stands there, hands behind his back. yin yu sighs. "Yizhen, did you pick a fight again?"
"Yeah." he says, simply. yin yu feels the urge to rub his temples, looking out to the ruckus outside. it seems whatever middle official he picked a fight with is still trying to egg something on, causing a scene outside of yin yu's palace, trying to start a fight. the person's held outside, shouting and yelling, accusing yin yu of trying to cover it up. as he opens his mouth to try and deal with it, the young man suddenly pushes past him, with all of the anger of a charging bull, furious at the insult to the palace, and yin yu stares, dumbfounded for a moment.
"--Yizhen, stop!" and then rushes out to chase after him.
the memory shifts, again, this time, it's yin yu's scolding friend, pacing around yin yu's side chamber and yelling. "The domain in the west is only so big, Yin Yu! Quan Yizhen erected a palace, and now he's robbed your devotees! Even that wolf monster he killed should have been yours! Look at the state of you, your domain is shrinking smaller and smaller, how much do you have left?! How can you maintain your standing?!"
"How is it considered robbing? It's not like he held anyone at knifepoint to worship him. They're willing. ...what fight? Why care for such a thing? What must leave, will always leave in the end, and what should remain will naturally stay. I didn't ascend to fight over power with anyone, especially not Yizhen, nor fight over domains, so why can't you just let this go, Jian Yu?"
jian yu practically growls and rubs his hand through his hair. there's another odd skip, and yizhen is standing there, too, suddenly. it's his birthday, and since the awkwardness of another experience, yin yu had been avoiding him more than before, but the young man came anyway, asking for a birthday present. yizhen looks at him with eyes shining, and yin yu quickly apologizes and turns to his side chamber, telling him to wait a moment.
he hadn't prepared a birthday gift fo yizhen, as he had every year. asking jian yu, the other middle official 'tsks', grabs a rag cloth, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it. "Give him this, then."
"Jian Yu!"
the scene skips. jian yu returns with a box-- a side conversation of yizhen floats in, talking to yin yu, "i don't really know anything about worshipers. they just started showing up. i fought this other wolf monster, too..."
he wasn't even trying to get his new position as an upper heavenly official, the second martial god of the west, and -- it hurts, it hurts yin yu so badly, but he shoves it down, down, and hands him the birthday present with a small, slightly frazzled smile.
it becomes even more blurry, then. a few more statements float in. yizhen, laughing when someone mistook yin yu for quan yizhen, because he thought it was silly. yin yu, embarrassed at the banquet where he'd been confused, sinking into his seat. yin yu, not invited to the parade of martial gods -- something only given to the most powerful, while yizhen took a spot. these tiny little stones start stacking, and stacking, and stacking, and yin yu gets heavier, and heavier with each little statement, hurting more, and more, and more as his star starts to wane.
yin yu, standing in his chambers, holding a golden armband that was supposed to be the gift for yizhen. he looks to jian yu, confused, and jian yu just says, "i gave him something better."
flayn is treated to yin yu's alarm, the feeling of the hairs on the back of his neck rising up, the phrase, "the brocade immortal", and suddenly, he's running out of his palace, as fast as his legs can carry him--
when the memory clips into focus again, quan yizhen stands in front of yin yu, wearing golden armor. his head is tilted to the side--he looks genuinely lost and confused, like a puppy.
and yin yu is furious. his anger is so oppressive that it pours out of him, that his hands are trembling, clenched into fists, as he finally shouts, "Did I say I wanted to go?! What's the patrol of the martial gods have to do with me?! I didn't beg you, so who are you to mention me to the emperor?!"
in the memory, it's blatantly obvious that the parade is important. that quan yizhen had asked a favor of the emperor to "allow" yin yu to march was--beyond offensive. those who saw him there if he did go after such a thing would talk and talk about him, and his skin wasn't thick enough for such things. how could he possibly use someone's connections--the connections of his disciple, his shidi, someone who usurped him to take a place somewhere he never belonged? he didn't belong there. he wasn't supposed to -- he used to be able to --
quan yizhen is silent, for a moment, but the trouble is blatant on his face. "...shixiong, why are you so mad? Did I do something wrong?"
and yin yu, patient, kind yin yu, who has always defended yizhen, who has always helped quan yizhen, who has tried to be kind to him, who has tried to help and be calm
finally snaps.
"Enough, I've had enough! I'm going mad--I'm going fucking mad, because of you! Quan Yizhen--!" he points at the great martial hall, where the other gods were gathered, "Don't talk to me anymore! Take back your recommendation, stop adding to my troubles! Go back right this second!"
without another word, quan yizhen turns, and starts walking. yin yu blinks, trembling, and his eyes slowly slide down yizhen's back, to the golden armor he's wearing. the brocade immortal forces the wearer to follow the orders of the person who gave it to them - who was yin yu. yizhen wasn't remorseful, or understanding why he'd offended his shixiong. he was being compelled to do it.
shaken, his hands trembling, he shouts, "STOP!" and quan yizhen stops. he looks bewildered, as the martial gods step out to see what the commotion is about, yin yu panics, and yells, "Come back--leave!"
it's confusing, but quan yizhen just cocks his head, instantly turns, and starts running straight for yin yu. in his panic, all he can do is run, too, looking suddenly like a guilty criminal, trying to decide what to do as the martial gods--emperor included--begin to give chase, as if to apprehend them. yin yu panics further, completely in disarray, he has to get yizhen out of that armor, he has to make that stop, and shouts, "Leave! Leave right now--take off your clothes!"
yizhen's eyes are blank, when yin yu looks back, but his hands go to the brocade immortal. there's a moment of sheer relief in yin yu's eyes, but as the martial gods reach them and start to try and apprehend yizhen, it's short lived. yizhen's goal -- remove the item -- is being blocked, and his gaze flashes with violence. he takes in the ten martial gods closest to him as targets, lifts his fists--
blood splatters the ground, crimson red.
"MURDER IN THE UPPER COURT!" someone screams--
--
the memory fades, again. yin yu is being restrained, now, another martial god holding him under the arms. he's as white as a sheet, as yizhen has been fighting and fighting up to this point, it's only one desperately shouted, please stop fighting! that finally stops quan yizhen, and he's restrained, a sword in his shoulder, beaten up beyond almost recognition by the martial gods.
in the process, the palace of yin yu was nearly destroyed by the chaos. all that stands is the rubble, the circle of martial gods trying to restrain the chaos, and.. quan yizhen. he turns his head to look at yizhen, who drops to his knees, finally, and stares up at yin yu, utterly confused. "....what's going on?"
his oblivious face is the only thing yin yu can see. yizhen, oblivious, stupid, oblivious yizhen, sitting in the wreckage of yin yu's life, not realizing that he was the one who caused everything. it's funny. it's. it's
the irony of the situation hits him like a hammer, and shatters the glass of yin yu's last restraint. he laughs. it's just one, sharp, humorless bark of a laugh, and then another, and then another, his shoulders starting to quake.
"shixiong? what are you doing? " quan yizhen has crawled towards him, now, trying to check up on his shixiong, still so confused, still wearing the brocade, head tilted, stupid, stupid yizhen, stupid yizhen,
yin yu's order comes out in a moment of crisp clarity.
"GO DIE!"
the light of clarity in yizhen's eyes vanishes. he reaches for the closest sword on the ground, takes it in one hand, fists the other in those curls and pulls his head up to expose his throat. the blade comes up -
- the heavenly emperor appears. with a crack, he dislocates quan yizhen's sword arm--then his other, then both of his legs, the sword clatters to the ground,
the memory stops. ]
w5 post trial
Looks like you worried over nothing, hm?
[Flayn didn't get voted for, in the end. Didn't even really get suspected.]
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a less verbal fuck you this time. ]
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Anyway he stares up at Yin Yu for a long moment. Before simply opting to sit down at the base of the shelf, his back against it, facing away from Yin Yu.]
I didn't realize the two of you had become so close. But I suppose I understand. She's a remarkable person. She reminds me of a girl I'd met back home. Even when I'd do things to make her angry, she kept trying. Up until the end, she still insisted she believed I could be better.
[A sharp laugh. How well has he acted upon that in her absence, in the graveyard?]
I can see how that optimism would be appealing. Make you feel special...
[A long pause. He's unsure whether he really feels like saying this, but;]
I'm glad she found someone who deserved it.
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but, eventually, his quiet voice comes out from where he's holed up. it doesn't shake, but it's not quite there, either. ] ...Lady Flayn is the kindest person I've ever met.
[ so of course she would have been kind to ogata. of course she would have kept trying, even when he was vicious and cruel and stubborn. yin yu has always wanted to be like that: a kind, perfect person. it's something he admires so deeply about flayn. he's been trying to be fair and kind to ogata since he got here, too, trying to emulate some of that goodness, and ultimately, he'd been too weak and failed at that, too. if he could be half of the person that flayn was, maybe he'd start deserving the way she feels about him.
and now she must be miserable, and alone with her guilt. even lili, who has been her support, must be a wreck, too.
he takes a deep breath, leaning backwards against the shelving. what can he do, besides send a hundred character letters and maybe see her as a ghost? how terrible this must have been, for flayn to have to do, almost assured it was going to happen, that she was going to be caught - but no one was able to catch on? except him, trapped over here, because he knows flayn quite possibly better than he knows himself? ]
She sees the best in everyone. She always has. [ everyone. not just ogata. she sees the best in him, too. ] ... You have no idea how miserable she must be right now. She doesn't - she shouldn't have had to go through with that.
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He's never felt like someone understood him. Or well, he'd like to say that. If it hadn't been for Anaido. Just thinking about it makes him scowl. But that had been just what he deserved, hadn't it been? He never deserved to have someone look at him like that. To really see him. For a minute he sits here, being glad that whatever Yin Yu and Flayn have was ruined by his death.
But ah, it isn't really ruined, is it? Just like his father not caring didn't stop his mother, death isn't stopping these two, either. Ah, he hates that. He hates that they have enough of Something to be this miserable. He hates how much he cares. He hates the part of him that's glad they're suffering and he hates the part of him that twinges at Yin Yu's words.
He wants to be glad they're miserable because he's always miserable. But it doesn't feel that simple this time.]
... So you think she killed Dimitri, then.
[Lets just talk about that instead.]
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[ he says, quietly. it's easier to talk about for him, too. his heart hurts it's hard to even breathe around it. ] If you knew her -- if you really knew the kind of person that she was, it would be obvious.
Flayn and I had been putting the flowers on the memorials together. Even when I sent her something today, it had a message to it. [ "absence and death, protection, majesty. warning of others. a deadly foe may be near. chivalry." the garden had been a place that was dear to them, and the skill in reading flowers he'd gained was by her careful tutelage. ] It's why I was able to identify them so easily at the beginning of the trial.
She loves things like that. Flowers, and drinking tea with people that are important to you. Even the chamomile's - to be strong in adversity. I think they must have planned it together, so they would both end up here.
She's so much stronger than anyone gives her credit for, and it must have been so hard. [ sacrifice, beau had said about huaisang's actions. what the hell was he sacrificing? what the hell did he know?
yin yu stops himself with a huff. this time, it's a little wet, and from where he's settled, he reaches to push his mask off of his face, covering it with his hand. ] ...I don't know why I'm telling you this.
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cw for suicidal ideation this thread has gone places
it's gone so many places in it's short life, like a rich college girl.
truly
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[beegun] dont challenge me
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w6, post doxxing.
unfortunately, it's hard to just vanish once things settle. these fun new creature features means he's just stuck being noticeable, so.
he's not about to approach ogata. when he spots him, he just sort of turns his head. it seems very much like he's going to walk away.
(bye.png)]
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The cat features are kind of nice too but he would not admit to this. When Yin Yu blatantly avoids him his tail twitches and he calls out to the man.]
Slinking around like a guilty man doesn't suit you, Yin Yu.
[Hi bonch.]
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he straightens, does not turn to face him, and replies, calmly. ] Neither of us are guilty of anything. [ so leave him alone!!!!! ]
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[You can avoid looking at him but he's sure looking at You.]
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[ looks up at the giant thread above this one ]
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He runs a hand over his head.]
... Fine. By all means, don't let me interrupt your hard work.
[Why does he sound legitimately offended.]
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